Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
