i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
