Did you just see the Batmobile???
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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