What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
