He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
