My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
