It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
