dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
