i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
