well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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