Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize