Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
