So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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