I am spending my child support on dildos
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Every concussion has its silver lining
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
