Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Your cock deserves a montage
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
