I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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