DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
