I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
