My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
