I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
