dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
