I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
