Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's always time for handjobs
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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