After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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