Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
