So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
