Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
