Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
