is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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