Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
