i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
