Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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