my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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