so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
