hotel room ftw
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just had sex on a roof
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
