I want to stick my p in your. b.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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