I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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