im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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