I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
