i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
