That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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