i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
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Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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