you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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