The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
