I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
