wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
