Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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