thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
