I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
