Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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