btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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