she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
