I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
