I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
