She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
