White coat. Heels.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
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i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
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Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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