Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
