I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
