last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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