I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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