I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
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I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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