Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
