My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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