And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize