Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Randomize
