also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
