why didn't you poke me back
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
