I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
