he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
