Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize