Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
