on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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