He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
