THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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