There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
