My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
