Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
