Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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