My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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