so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I faked an abortion last night.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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