so explain again why im purple
no
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
